Guilt....

Awhile back Dr. Mike blogged about "facing your fears". One of my fears is nursing homes. I don't know what it is about them, but I am scared to death of them. I am not talking about that fact of me possibly being in one someday, I am talking about having to visit them. The old people in there just frighten me, I don't know why...it's just one of those things I couldn't come to terms with. My grandfather was in a nursing home and I didn't visit him very often and when I did, I couldn't go alone- I always went when my parents did. My grandfather was also to the point he didn't recognize anyone and he was in poor health, which was not the grandpa I knew...to me that scared me. On Saturday he passed away and I feel terribly guilty that I could never overcome my "fear" in order to visit with him regularly, knowing that this day would come. I just liked to think that he would live forever (which he almost did- he was 99). Why couldn't I just deal with it??

One of my earlier memories- they lived in house that was located just behind the church we attended. I would go to preschool in the morning at the church and then run down the hill to Grandma & Grandpa's house. Some days I didn't "feel well" and Grandma would put me up in bed and fix me chicken noodle soup. Within the hour, Grandpa would come home for lunch and I would be "all better" as soon as he walked through the door. He just made me that happy. :o)